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From The Rt. Hon. Nigel Farage, MP

Dear Lewisham Council,
Bet you didn't expect 'The Nigel' to be praising a 100% Labour Council for its Conservation Area planning policies? Ha ha ha! Well there's always a first time. Britain is broken and Reform will re-build from the bottom up. When we get into Number 10 at the next election we will follow Lewisham’s example by conserving our majestic architecture traditions. What could be more important? Lewisham’s ‘V-signature’ roof design is English Heritage’s best kept secret. And, by the way, I like to call the London roof a ‘V-signature’ (or ‘V sign’) roof. For me they symbolise Sir Winston Churchill’s defiance to the advancing era of the Nanny State.

And thank God for the parapet walls that shield these blessed roofs from the prying eyes of foreign tourists. If you really want to see one in its full glory, go out and buy a drone with a camera! To be honest, I hadn’t really noticed them until my chopper pilot accidentally flew us low over some old terraced houses. They looked so ‘British’ that I consulted a local historian for the background story. He tells me that Victorian house-builders would occasionally ‘improvise' on the job (well, we all love a lunchtime pint, don’t we?). Apparently, after a long session, a couple of blokes went back to work and installed the roof upside down. The design soon caught on with other builders because it meant installing one rain gutter instead of two. British ingenuity and workmanship is unparalleled, isn't it?

Anyway, these roofs have a hidden ‘early warning’ feature. They work like a canary in a coal mine. Most of them are a bit leaky so when it rains you’ll immediately detect it, especially if you sleep underneath. But let’s be fair. Not everyone can appreciate Heritage in the proper way and are willing to destroy this wondrous architectural feature. Yes, I’ve heard all the excuses. Some bang on endlessly about ‘climate change’. A few will brazenly admit they want lower fuel bills. I have even heard of some home owners pretending they need more space for their growing families, therefore extending their homes above the parapet. But if you allowed residents to build mansard roofs you would lose the ‘V-sign’ roof. And some tree-hugging radicals would then ask to install a monstrous array of solar panels. Well, congratulations, Lewisham Council for telling these idiots to f*** off. Caving in would have set a very dangerous and selfish precedent for the local community (not to mention the oil industry).
If any of your Planning Officers are thinking about joining the Reform Party, just send them to me and there could be a pint in it.
etc.

Yours faithfully, Nigel Farage

Yours faithfully, Nigel Farage